nothing_to_worry_about Melissa Spitz

"You have nothing to worry about." Photographs of my mentally ill mother. Personal account @spitzmelissa
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3089 159 Dec 6, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: Rock Bottom, Florida, 2017 
When things with mom

Rock Bottom, Florida, 2017 When things with mom got really bad my dad decided we should attend an Al Anon meeting. “Al-Anon Family Groups hold weekly meetings for the relatives and friends of alcoholics, who share their experience, strength, and hope in order to solve problems associated with the family disease of alcoholism.” I remember the smell of burnt coffee and wood paneling, it was my first experience with this type of group therapy. Quickly I realized that I shared an intense common ground with a group of strangers. The biggest take away from that first meeting was the idea that the alcoholic in our lives needed to hit rock bottom on their own, and rebuild from there. The challenge is letting go of codependent roles and allowing the process to run its course. I’ve seen mom hit rock bottom more times than I can count, but maybe my experience in Florida was mine? Mom spent Thanksgiving alone and will spend Christmas alone. She is still healing from surgery and has respected my need for space. I on the other hand, besides waves of guilt, have felt better. Calmer, safer, more focused and generally happier. The comments from those who have walked away from unhealthy relationships with family members have provided so much solace for me. I hope everyone is having the best holiday season they can with the cards they were dealt. Thankful for all of you. XOXO - You Have Nothing to Worry About.

1499 55 Dec 6, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: All Apologies, 2017

I can always hear music

All Apologies, 2017 I can always hear music from the breezeway when I go to mom’s. I walked in with my iPhone recording. She just stared at me and smoked.

1154 29 Dec 6, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: Rock Bottom, Florida, 2017

When things with mom

Rock Bottom, Florida, 2017 When things with mom got really bad my dad decided we should attend an Al Anon meeting. “Al-Anon Family Groups hold weekly meetings for the relatives and friends of alcoholics, who share their experience, strength, and hope in order to solve problems associated with the family disease of alcoholism.” I remember the smell of burnt coffee and wood paneling, it was my first experience with this type of group therapy. Quickly I realized that I shared an intense common ground with a group of strangers. The biggest take away from that first meeting was the idea that the alcoholic in our lives needed to hit rock bottom on their own, and rebuild from there. The challenge is letting go of codependent roles and allowing the process to run its course. I’ve seen mom hit rock bottom more times than I can count, but maybe my experience in Florida was mine? Mom spent Thanksgiving alone and will spend Christmas alone. She is still healing from surgery and has respected my need for space. I on the other hand, besides waves of guilt, have felt better. Calmer, safer, more focused and generally happier. The comments from those who have walked away from unhealthy relationships with family members have provided so much solace for me. I hope everyone is having the best holiday season they can with the cards they were dealt. Thankful for all of you. XOXO - You Have Nothing to Worry About.

1880 111 Nov 14, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: Florida 2017 - 30 days, 2017
I needed at

Florida 2017 - 30 days, 2017 I needed at least 30 full days. 30 days to take a break, to step back and just look. The number 30 is important in sobriety, a milestone. After some research I found that this number goes back to the bible, which really isn’t my thing. But I did find interesting definitions about the number 30, one website describing it as the perfect balance in the cosmos, that is something I can wrap my head around. In the past 30 days a lot has happened. Mom begged for us to forgive her for her actions in Florida. My cellphone broke and I did absolutely nothing to fix it. The day after I did get a new phone, I got a call from the hospital, Mom was being rushed into surgery. I stressed, I looked for flights, I was glued to my phone again. Immediately I felt exhausted and guilty for ignoring her, while simultaneously feeling angry and frustrated. I turn 29 on Friday and the thought of dealing with this again and again… literally my entire life. For the first time in my 28 years of existence, I did not rush back to her. I did not attempt to fix everything. I’ve talked to her everyday that she’s been in the hospital. Yesterday she said, “Oh will you be 28?? Sorry I always forget your birthday.” Here’s to new beginnings and the last year of my 20’s. Learning to grieve the loss of someone who was never present to begin with. #29

833 17 Nov 14, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: Savannah 2014 - 30 days, 2017
I needed at

Savannah 2014 - 30 days, 2017 I needed at least 30 full days. 30 days to take a break, to step back and just look. The number 30 is important in sobriety, a milestone. After some research I found that this number goes back to the bible, which really isn’t my thing. But I did find interesting definitions about the number 30, one website describing it as the perfect balance in the cosmos, that is something I can wrap my head around. In the past 30 days a lot has happened. Mom begged for us to forgive her for her actions in Florida. My cellphone broke and I did absolutely nothing to fix it. The day after I did get a new phone, I got a call from the hospital, Mom was being rushed into surgery. I stressed, I looked for flights, I was glued to my phone again. Immediately I felt exhausted and guilty for ignoring her, while simultaneously feeling angry and frustrated. I turn 29 on Friday and the thought of dealing with this again and again… literally my entire life. For the first time in my 28 years of existence, I did not rush back to her. I did not attempt to fix everything. I’ve talked to her everyday that she’s been in the hospital. Yesterday she said, “Oh will you be 28?? Sorry I always forget your birthday.” Here’s to new beginnings and the last year of my 20’s. Learning to grieve the loss of someone who was never present to begin with. #29

959 26 Nov 14, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: Maine 2001 - 30 days, 2017
I needed at

Maine 2001 - 30 days, 2017 I needed at least 30 full days. 30 days to take a break, to step back and just look. The number 30 is important in sobriety, a milestone. After some research I found that this number goes back to the bible, which really isn’t my thing. But I did find interesting definitions about the number 30, one website describing it as the perfect balance in the cosmos, that is something I can wrap my head around. In the past 30 days a lot has happened. Mom begged for us to forgive her for her actions in Florida. My cellphone broke and I did absolutely nothing to fix it. The day after I did get a new phone, I got a call from the hospital, Mom was being rushed into surgery. I stressed, I looked for flights, I was glued to my phone again. Immediately I felt exhausted and guilty for ignoring her, while simultaneously feeling angry and frustrated. I turn 29 on Friday and the thought of dealing with this again and again… literally my entire life. For the first time in my 28 years of existence, I did not rush back to her. I did not attempt to fix everything. I’ve talked to her everyday that she’s been in the hospital. Yesterday she said, “Oh will you be 28?? Sorry I always forget your birthday.” Here’s to new beginnings and the last year of my 20’s. Learning to grieve the loss of someone who was never present to begin with. #29

272 10 Oct 13, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about:
3242 270 Oct 13, 2017
nothing_to_worry_about: The only portrait I made in Florida, 2017

The only portrait I made in Florida, 2017 Dear Followers, As some of you might have noticed I shut my account down after a very intense vacation with my mom. I wrestled with feelings of guilt and obligation about sharing what happened on the internet. All those feelings of shame and embarrassment came flooding back into my life and for a moment, like all of us, I wanted to pretend that this is not real. I want to apologize for my disappearance. I felt like I was in a car accident and everyone was watching. But over the past few days I haven't stopped thinking about all the personal "car accidents" you all might be experiencing or have experienced. I truly believe that this account is more than clicks and likes, but a forum and place to have a honest conversation about mental health. To shut it down is unfair, we need this space. Growing up with my mom has affected every facet of my life and is showing itself in different ways as I get older. I never anticipated this project becoming what it has and I know that this community will understand that sometimes you just have to run away, turn it off and take care of yourself. I will come out of the darkness. In the meantime I will be sure to keep everyone updated on my mom and I. Right now we need space and she agreed to not travel again. I can’t express how much this account means to me and seriously this post is for YOU. Practicing self care is important for resources in your immediate area visit www.psychologytoday.com (link in bio) Thank you all for your support and becoming a part of my life and this process. You Have Nothing To Worry About. SO much love, Melissa

268 0 Oct 13, 2017
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462 5 Oct 13, 2017
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nothing_to_worry_about: The only portrait I made in Florida, 2017

The only portrait I made in Florida, 2017 Dear Followers, As some of you might have noticed I shut my account down after a very intense vacation with my mom. I wrestled with feelings of guilt and obligation about sharing what happened on the internet. All those feelings of shame and embarrassment came flooding back into my life and for a moment, like all of us, I wanted to pretend that this is not real. I want to apologize for my disappearance. I felt like I was in a car accident and everyone was watching. But over the past few days I haven't stopped thinking about all the personal "car accidents" you all might be experiencing or have experienced. I truly believe that this account is more than clicks and likes, but a forum and place to have a honest conversation about mental health. To shut it down is unfair, we need this space. Growing up with my mom has affected every facet of my life and is showing itself in different ways as I get older. I never anticipated this project becoming what it has and I know that this community will understand that sometimes you just have to run away, turn it off and take care of yourself. I will come out of the darkness. In the meantime I will be sure to keep everyone updated on my mom and I. Right now we need space and she agreed to not travel again. I can’t express how much this account means to me and seriously this post is for YOU. Practicing self care is important for resources in your immediate area visit www.psychologytoday.com (link in bio) Thank you all for your support and becoming a part of my life and this process. You Have Nothing To Worry About. SO much love, Melissa